Entering the therapy room for the very first time.

I am a counsellor, but I have also been and continue to be a ‘client.’

I have sat where you have sat and entered a therapy room for the first time, full of nerves,  unsure of what to talk about, or where to start.

If you have never had any therapy before, it can feel daunting, and from a client perspective there is no manual on ‘how to do counselling right’ (really hoping I haven’t missed this on Amazon).

With my very first experience of therapy, I was pre-occupied with wanting to be a ‘good client.’ Pleasing the therapist, hoping to be liked and of course desperately hoping the stranger sitting opposite wasn’t judging me.

So, what would make a ‘good client’ or ‘doing counselling right’?

Part of me really wants to reassure anyone reading this, that there is no such thing. I promote authenticity, and really hope people feel safe enough to show up as they are. So, with this in mind please remember that the main message I would like to get across is, please show up as you are, that is all.

Let us first drop the ‘good client’ label and re-think it. Hopefully, I can share some hopes from a counsellor perspective, on what might help you to get the most out of your sessions. This might include that you reflect on things we have spoken about, engage in the work and commit to coming.

Anything is welcome here, and I want to hear all the stuff, however that comes and whenever you are ready to talk about it.

Some of the best sessions can happen when a client just says exactly how they feel about being there, including, “ I did not want to come today,” “ I have no idea what to talk about.”  Or “ I feel nervous.” You might feel relieved to air it and surprised with where it goes next.

A first session is chance for us both to ask questions, I might ask the obvious ones about what has brought you to seek therapy. I might ask you about any expectations you have of me, or we might discuss any outcomes you wish for. A first session is an opportunity to see if we might be a good fit for each other.

And getting therapy ‘right’ from both perspectives, might mean that we are starting to see the benefits of therapy. It is important to say that not all sessions will be ‘lightbulb’ moments though, some might be challenging work (for many reasons) or at times it might feel like slow progress.

Through experience, I have seen how helpful it can be to see how ‘our work’ is playing out between sessions. For example, when you are suddenly thrown into a world full of triggers and surrounded by relationships that don’t offer the emotionally safety that your counsellor does, are you now navigating those things differently?

There is so much value in a client becoming self-aware and reacting or feeling  differently in situations that would previously been more distressing, and it’s great to hear about those lightbulb moments that have happened outside of sessions too.

There is no rush for this though, counselling is a process, and this stage might come much later in therapy.

At first, we are strangers, and it takes time to build trust and connection before any real change takes place. So, let us ‘trust the process’ (a constant therapy mantra sketched into my brain) and once our therapeutic relationship has developed, hopefully you will enjoy talking to me and exploring ‘you,’ and your experiences.

When you walk through my door for the first time, I am excited to see you and probably feel quite nervous to meet you as well. I am looking forward to seeing what unfolds.

I feel extremely honoured that you have read my profile and something about me, resonates with you. I am also thinking, ‘this person is brave.’  You have chosen to seek support and that is courageous.

 “I am glad you are here, and hopefully counselling will be the best gift you have chosen to give yourself.”

And, if it turns out I am not the ‘best fit’ for you, that is ok too. Another therapist will be, and next time, you won’t be ‘entering the therapy room for the very first time.’

Vicki iliffe.